Subject: Divorce
Date: March 31, 2004 01:17 pm
Divorce causes extraordinary suffering for those who live it. I myself know the torments of its wrath. I believe the human heart was not created to suffer the pain of divorce because the Lord intended us to be married “all the days of our lives.” The human heart has the capacity to suffer the gravest illnesses, death and many more sorrows….but the heart seems to revolt and experience “love convulsions” when it is exposed to the sorrow of divorce. It would seem to rebel against that which it was not created to withstand.”
The suffering of Divorce is abnormal for it goes against the very essence of marriage.
Yet today 50% of marriages will end in divorce, a devastating statistic. The importance of ministering to divorced families with compassion, understanding and Truth is the intent of this newsletter.
Divorce is a life altering event that pierces the heart and leaves its mark forever. If you believe that divorce is over once the last court date is over you are in for a big surprise. In many cases, the wounds that are entrenched in your hearts will manifest themselves. For many this life altering event changes the very essence of who they are.
Spouses become distrustful and often vengeful of the very person they vowed to “love and honor all the days of their lives.” Even in the most amicable divorces there is distrust because someone always gets hurt. Children are insecure and silently wish their parents were together, many even into adulthood.
Most who anticipate a divorce become frustrated and tormented with the challenge of finding a solution before what seems inevitable occurs. (Actually there is almost always something that can be done but I will write about that in another newsletter). On the other hand, those who say that they did not see the divorce coming are able to recognize red flags, announcing that the marriage was in trouble, along the way.
Feelings of guilt are closely related to separation and divorce. Guilt associated with the “what-ifs.” Also, a loss of identity…yesterday I was the spouse…today who am I. Fear of the unknown future paralyzes many and causes insecurity, sometimes transmitted to the children unintentionally.
Parents are the security pillars of their children. When a mother or father is distressed the child becomes confused and disoriented and builds a high sense of insecurity. It usually helps to explain to children why you are sad without vengeful accusations and that it will pass. I recommend praying together and allowing the children to voice their feelings and validating their needs.
Counseling by a religious or Catholic professional is important for the family during a divorce because our faith is tested. In the beginning, denial of the trauma or the event is not unusual. The roller coaster feeling of emotions associated with healing is tiring and confusing at times. It might seem that you have progressed and are well on the way to recovery when you would seem to fall right back to day one.
Have courage for God all things are possible…that is our hope! Seek healing knowing that you will never be the same person again but that does not mean you can not be a better person.
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